What is me, Tessa Gray?
by CassielT
Summary: My version of how Tessa was born and what they will learn in clockwork princess about her past. Enjoy!


Hey everyone!  
Yeah as I wrote in the summery, it's my idea of how Tessa was born and what her mother was - human or shadowhunter.  
I hope it's logical and that it fits into the story.  
Anything else? No I don't think so xD Enjoy  
~ Cass

* * *

The well-known feeling appeared when Tessa touched the object in front of her. It fit well into her hand and brought back memories of a time where there were only Nate, Aunt Harriet, herself and their little flat in New York. The feeling changed as Tessa forced her way into the memory of Nate until she heard Jem gasp. She felt her clothe tightening around her chest as Nate's body closed around her like a shell.

"Can you feel him? His thoughts", Jem asked carefully. He stood now in front of the big armchair.

"Yes", Tessa answered with the voice of her brother. Jem's expression changed for a second and she could tell that this situation wasn't very comfortable for him.

"Calm down, it's still me", Tessa said in a soothing voice.

"I am calm. Sorry."

"There is something. It feels like Nate's spirit is trying to hide something from me. Maybe that's something about my parents." She stumbled back when a memory hit her like a wall. Pictures rushed through her mind: A beautiful woman with dark brown hair sitting on a bench. Then a little child with golden hair lying in a coffin, the woman crying. The pictures were not sharp, probably because they weren't Nate's memories but stories he heard. Then the scene changed again. The woman was now standing next to an unknown man. They had their backs to Tessa but she was sure it was the woman from before. Her hair was pinned-up and Tessa could spot the dark Shadowhunter Runes every time she moved. The vision blurred and Tessa was about to retrieve disappointed when the two began to speak. Tessa stumbled backwards and felt Jem's hands on her shoulders when she recognized the voice. Not that she was really surprised, she was looking for exactly that after all, but hearing her mother's voice after such a long time was quite shocking.

"Are you sure it will work", she asked.

"No, that's what I told you. It's an experiment. I want to find out if it works and you want your daughter back." That voice sounded awfully familiar but Tessa couldn't remember where she heard it before.

"It is possible that she will not settle in this body but then I can't do anything for you."

"But your warlock said…", her mother replied almost hysterically.

"I said", came a voice out of the shadows, "that I think I'm able to do it. But human or Shadowhunter souls are not meant to be in that kind of thing."

"Don't call them things", growled the other man. "This is my life's work!"

And when he said this, his voice full of pride, Tessa recognized him. She could feel Nate slipping away from her. Just when Jem wiped them away she noticed the tears running down her cheeks. They sat on the floor and her fiancée held her in his arms.

"Everything's alright. Don't cry Tess." "He said the truth", she whispered.

"Who did?"

"Mortmaint. I saw it Jem, he really made me. I am one of his disgusting clockwork creatures."

"No you're not. You are neither a warlock nor a clockwork creature. You are Tessa Gray. Don't forget that."

"But I saw it Jem. There was my mother who had a little baby girl. A girl with golden curls who had died. And my mother asked Mortmaint to bring her back. That's how he made me. He took the soul of that cute little girl and put it in one of his disgusting creatures."

"Look in that mirror Tessa. Do you really look like a disgusting creature? Do you feel like one?"

"I don't know what I should feel", she said and looked down. "My mother was a Shadowhunter. I saw her runes in my vision. Maybe the Shadowhunter blood made me look like I do now. "

"Even if it would be that way. Even if you are made of a clockwork creature, nevertheless, the thing that makes you who you are is your soul and that is the one of a Shadowhunter. And isn't that all we could hope for? That means no one can forbid us to be together. Not even the Clave. Don't think too much about it Tessa. As long as we love each other it doesn't matter what you are but who. It's going to be alright." He kissed her forehead and Tessa lifted her head to meet his lips. They were about to kiss when someone made a sound at the door.

"You're not even married yet", said Will annoyed. "If you need to do this, do it in your rooms." Jem laughed.

"I'm sorry Will. Actually we were just talking." The other boy raised an eyebrow.

"On the floor?"

"Yeah you know, Tessa jut…"

"You don't have to know everything", she said knowing that her words would hurt Will more than seeing them kiss. She could see it in his eyes. Could see the pain she had caused. But if she wouldn't be strong now, if she wouldn't push him away it would hurt the three of them so much more later.  
Tessa apologized silently as she got up.

"I'm in my room. You know what you promised me before Jem?" Still sitting on the floor he nodded.

"Will you be alright?"

"Yes thank you."

"I love you Tessa, don't forget that."

"I love you too." And without looking into Will's eyes she vanished.

* * *

Yeah I know it wasn't that long. But anyway, thanks that you read until the end. It has also my hopes for Tessa's relationship in it. I really hope she will be strong and stay togehter with Jem and that she will not hurt him 'cause he is the best ans kindest character (not that I actually believe she will but anyway)

I can't wait to read your reviews^^  
Bye ~ Cass


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